This extreme discontent with singleness is like a black cloud that spoils every other thing in your life. It diminishes the joy of success in careers or other friendships or even ministry involvement. The enemy of our soul, Satan, loves to find ways to keep us discontented, because then our effectiveness in Kingdom work is decreased. I know that we have a choice as to whether our discontent with being single will continue to rule our lives or not. Once again, this is a choice we make as to what we think about singleness, how much we think about it, and how well we learn to bring those obsessive thoughts into captivity and make them obedient to Christ. It is just so true that the problem here lives in our thought lives.
What the Bible Says About Singleness
First Corinthians 7 is seldom used for sermon material. It doesn't fit too well with this common idea that God intended marriage for everyone and anything else is second best. Here's an excerpt from verses 32-35. "An unmarried woman is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit... I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord."
What singles tend to forget is that there are pluses and minuses, assets and liabilities, to being single and to being married. The key thing we need to understand is that God has not advocated one lifestyle—marriage—as the number-one, normal way to live, and the other lifestyle—singleness—as second best, leftovers for those who missed the marriage boat for some reason or another.
Let me remind you of some of the people in Scripture who were either certainly or most likely single: Jesus, the apostle Paul, Mary, Martha and Lazarus, Lydia, Mary Magdalene, Dorcas, Many others have no reference to marriage and have lifestyles that would lead you to think they were probably single, including some of the disciples and many in the early church.
There are some dangers in allowing ourselves to think that marriage is the only normal lifestyle and it will solve all our problems.
- You place an unduly heavy responsibility and expectation on marriage.
- You're asking too much of that other person who will be your mate if and when you do marry.
- When a person is consumed with the desire to be married, they usually become less and less attractive because they are unconsciously transmitting that message through body language, facial expressions and conversation.
- When we think that marriage is essential we begin to make an idol out of it.